Be warned, there are a lot of FUCKS in this post
We all have our own internal “FUCK IT” button, its that button we press or allow others to press, where we go to a place, a place where we are able to shut ourselves down or block out our thoughts feelings and emotions and tell ourselves , delude ourselves that we really “don’t fucking care”. Whilst we are in that place, space in our heads, we give ourselves a short respite from all the shit that is getting us down, we might take drugs, get pissed, avoid problems, ignore debts, lash out at loved ones, ignore advice, retreat into ourselves, blank out the world…
And I get it! It works, it really does work. christ my FUCK IT button at one time had nearly worn its self out!
The crap bit about all those FUCK IT moments is that they don’t last long enough, before we know it, we come out of the FUCK IT delusional mist to find we have a trail of mess and more shit to clear up!
I see so many people who are still using their FUCK IT button as a reason, or justification for doing something that they wouldn’t normally do whilst in “FUCK IT mode” But the only problem with those “Fuck it” moments, that place where to take yourself to hide and tell yourself that you don’t care is that deep down, the fact is that you “DO CARE” in fact, you care a lot. Going into fuck it mode you are not blocking out all the things that have hurt you, you are blocking our your OWN feelings and emotions. And heres the thing, none of us can hide from our emotions, our emotions and feelings are who we REALLY are!
Think about this
If we cared so much, then why would we deny caring about ourselves?
As a society we worry too much about what other people think? and yet take no notice of what we really think?
We do have choices in life, we can continue to press the FUCK IT button every time something doesn’t go our way, or when someone hurts us and
Go call a freind, talk it through, take a step back, walk away from the problem, try looking at it from the outside, what are your options? What could you do differently instead of going for the FUCK IT button, you might not like the options or solutions available, but at least you have the insight to try a differant approach?
We can all continue to press the FUCK IT button, that our choice, but the FUCK IT button doesn’t make your problems go away…
Just saying…
Ahhhh thank you Penny, your feedback means alot, I do certainly feel like I am healing, but still got a long way to go x hope to see you soon at a writing event
Love Fordy x