So this week, I was invited to watch a play commissioned by Changing Futures in Sheffield. Much to my delight, the room was packed with some familiar faces. Also, some of the most amazing humans who I have worked alongside over the years, the very same ones who are passionate about supporting women, whether that be because of sex work, homelessness, Domestic abuse, the Criminal Justice system, the list goes on…
I hadn’t expected the play to hit me so hard, hence this blog. It probably didn’t help that I was already mentally and emotionally drained before I arrived, but as soon as the three ladies stood on stage, with fake pregnancy bumps wrapped around their waists I turned to my friend and said,
‘Fuck me, I’m crying already, and it hasn’t even started”
The play was performed by three women who were part of Clean Break’s Acting Traineeship program and had their own lived experience of, or being at risk of, criminalisation. Their performance was not just compelling, but a testament to the resilience and strength of these women. The session explored the multiple challenges faced by women who spend their pregnancy awaiting the possibility of separation and those who are compulsorily separated from their babies, based on research undertaken by a research project called lost mothers.
Sitting, watching and listening, I couldn’t help class myself as one of the lucky ones. During my using days, I’d been involved in criminal activity, but I had somehow managed to evade the criminal justice system. However, it wasn’t the criminal justice system that terrified me; it was Social Services.
When we got busted for drug dealing, I had been terrified that Social Services would be next banging on the door to take my kids away. Thankfully, they didn’t, but when I was sectioned, the same fears returned because I was convinced that my capacity to be a mother would be questioned. Whilst the staff seemed more than satisfied that my mum had temporarily stepped in to help and support my then partner with the kids, the threat always remained. It didn’t help that after leaving the father of my kids who almost took pleasure in tormenting me and reminding me of how I was an unfit mother.
The fear and paranoia was always there
In fact, it was the thought of someone parachuting in and deeming me an unfit mother which was one of the motivating factors for me sorting my shit out. Years later, I still suffer flashbacks and pangs of guilt about how I may have neglected my kids support needs whilst in pursuit of my addiction. And it doesn’t matter how often they tell me ‘Not to be silly’, it’s still there. I don’t think it will ever go away.
Back to the play
There was a scene where a stone faced social worker delivered the news to a woman that the state had deemed her to be an unfit mother because of the poor life choices she had made. And because of this, she was going to not only just serve the rest of her custodial sentence, but she was being sentenced to a lifetime of emotional trauma, because she wouldn’t be allowed to care for her unborn child. In that moment my heart when out to all the mothers hand been handed a lifetime sentence’s of pain, hurt, shame and anger.
The actresses played out another a scene of a woman in a maternity hospital ward handcuffed to a male prison guard who also ended doubling up as an unwanted birthing partner. But it was when they said (paraphrased), ‘In the animal world, puppies, for instance, get to spend 6 weeks with their mothers before being whisked away, but all I got was 3 days’
But we aren’t talking about dogs here; we are talking about human beings
That is why the play hit me so hard. I cannot and could not simply imagine someone in a position of power who doesn’t know me as a person making that decision.
Having my two kids gave me a sense of purpose, a duty almost to give not just myself a better life but them too, I just simply could never imagine not being able to have that option or choice.
Something radical NEEDS to change. The current system is failing these women and their children, and we can’t afford to wait any longer for meaningful reform.
Now, I am not suggesting that we shouldn’t send women to prison for crimes that they have committed. Still, some common sense needs to prevail, Instead of custodial sentences, packages of care could be put in place not only to ensure that we can support young mothers, but also to reduce the chances of them reoffending, which is less likely to happen if the woman who has had the only thing she loved or lived for taken away – I mean fuck me, like that’s not going to inspire reform, if it had been me I would have rebelled even more.
Then there is the cost to the state to imprison a woman, then there are the associated costs for rehoming the child. Surely, that money could be better spent by supporting the woman and child instead of ripping both their lives in two. In 2023, a report highlighted that the number of children’s social care placements costing £10,000 or more per week has risen sharply in five years.
The play prompted me to do some further research, I found a charity called Birth Companions, which trains, supervises, and supports women with lived experience with the criminal justice system to help others facing difficulties during pregnancy and early motherhood.
After the play, everyone was asked to make a pledge and my pledge was to do my bit to raise awareness, so I have made a start with this blog, which is also a call to action
So my question is ‘what could you do’
Well you could start by educating yourself. Women in Prison is a national charity that supports women affected by the criminal justice system and campaigns to end the harm caused to women, their families and our communities by imprisonment – you could start by supporting their campaign #StopThe500 or you could sign Level ups petition
You could write to your local MP
You could support local charities like Fresh Start Sheffield who work with mothers who have had one or more children recently accommodated by the local authority. The service aims to support women to take time out from parenting in order to address their loss, build resilience, increase well-being and develop new skills for future living. Or there is Together Women Project, which offers 1:1 support, Volunteering opportunities, training, groups activities, emotional support to women who women who are involved in, or at risk of entering, the criminal justice system.
Ok Rant over – Love Fordy
AKA Unapologeticwriter
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Remember, I don’t write for financial reward or gain; I just want to help share my lived experience with others in the hope that it helps. And I just love to write, so if ya fancy getting the occasional email (NO SPAM) with the most up-to-date blogs from yours truly, please feel free to subscribe at the bottom of the main page.
Ps, if you are in London, the tour of the Lost Mothers play still has some shows left from their tour on the 25th and 25th of March.