Some of the things I’m most proud of in life aren’t the ones people expect.
It’s not learning to drive.
It’s not getting a degree.
It’s not being published.
It’s not being financially stable.
It’s not landing a job where I feel I can make a difference.
It’s none of those things. It’s something quieter, slower, and far less glamorous.
Those are just past achievements, visible successes. They might have filled me with pride at the time, but that feeling never lasts. My greatest achievement has been learning how to build a relationship with myself.
Sounds corny, I know. But here’s the truth: after years of worrying about what people think, I finally started caring more about what I think. Because if I don’t know what I think, how I feel, what makes me tick, then I’ll spend my whole life reacting to life instead of actually living it.
And like any relationship, it hasn’t been straightforward. There’s no manual for navigating life, unless you count the ones we were handed without consent through our social conditioning. Most of us grow up being told who to be, how to behave, what’s “right,” what’s “normal,” and what’s expected.
Be good.
Be grateful.
Be quiet.
Don’t make a fuss.
Fit in.
Follow the rules.
Don’t question too much.
The problem is that by the time we’re adults, we’re so shaped by other people’s expectations that we barely know where they end and we begin, which just left me feeling like a social misfit, the odd one out in a world that kept telling me to fit in.
I’m not gonna lie, learning to unpick all that and unlearn the bullshit I’ve digested over the years has been tough. But then, doing the inner work always is.
I know and respect that people find guidance in faith, religion, or spiritual texts, and that’s absolutely fine. But for me, placing my whole self in someone else’s hands never felt right. It felt alien. It felt like an illusion. I kept seeing people who followed their chosen path yet still weren’t fulfilled, and something in me knew I had to look inward instead of outward.
So instead, I took the chapters and teachings that aligned with my values, my beliefs, my lived experience. Over the years, I’ve explored Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Yoga, Quantum Physics, and Stoicism. Not to “belong” to one, but to understand what resonated with me, because somewhere in my gut, I refused to force myself into a single handbook.
But I didn’t just read, absorb, and take the chapters. I started to apply them, weave them into my own sense of self. And I did this by carving out actual time for myself, taking time away from the constant hum of social distractions, expectations, and noise.
Creating a space where I could turn the volume down on the outside world just long enough to actually hear myself.
Making space to hear myself isn’t just self-care; it’s the act of showing up for myself. It’s making me a priority. It was me choosing to listen inward instead of being pulled outward by conditioning, culture, and the endless pressure to perform a version of myself that wasn’t mine.
And that’s where the deeper work began.
Unlearning the conditioning.
Unlearning the noise.
Unlearning the idea that someone else always knows better.
And over time, with a little perseverance, I’ve learned to trust myself more. To trust my intuition instead of blindly following what society says I should do or be.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my life is far from perfect. I still face emotional and practical challenges. There are days when I feel overwhelmed, when someone else’s words or behaviours trigger something old in me.
There are days when my chest feels tight, my thoughts spiral, and hiding under the duvet seems like the safest option. And yet, somehow, even on those days, I still manage to show up. Not perfectly. Not gracefully. But I show up, and for me, that is the real achievement.
Showing up for myself.
Again, and again.
Even when it’s hard.
And especially when it’s hard.
So now I’m curious.
What’s the achievement you carry quietly, the one that changed you from the inside out?
Love Fordy
AKA Unapologeticwriter
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Remember, I don’t write for financial reward; I just want to share my lived experience with others in the hope it helps. And I just love to write, so if ya fancy getting the occasional email (NO SPAM) with the most up-to-date blogs from yours truly, please feel free to subscribe at the bottom of the main page.