Cycle of Change

In pre-contemplation’s shadowed haze,
My mind was veiled, lost in a narcotic maze.
I didn’t know my own mind
I was oblivious and blind
Some people remarked I had changed
But I scoffed and thought them deranged
I had no intention of changing my behaviour
Because my drugs were my saviour
But the shit that kept on happening was getting harder to ignore

That’s when contemplation came knocking at my door
I could no longer ignore the untold distress and that my life was a mess
All the mind games I’d played and all the broken promises I’d made
And yet, in between all the toing and froing
I still didn’t know which way I was going
I’d lost faith in humanity and finally lost my sanity
Emotionally and mentally deranged
I knew my life was about to change

My fears finally came to fruition
When I was forced into submission
Cessation marked the turning tide
And I finally realised there was nowhere to hide.
Broken and lost, I craved recovery and change at any cost
I was advised that my recovery wasn’t a race and that I should go at my own pace.

It wasn’t until I decided to make a plan, that my recovery journey began.
Some days, it was hard to let go of the shame and guilt amassed from the past.
But as I started to make amends, I found some new friends
People who had been in the same boat, who shared how they’d stayed afloat
They warned me about the traps that could trigger a relapse
But after getting my life back on track, there was no going back

And as I started to make some traction, I fell into action
And as I developed new ways to cope, I found something called hope
And whilst maintaining change hasn’t always been plane sailing,
You will never see me complaining.

Because I have learned that whilst navigating this uncharted course called life
It’s that Shit happens
But it’s our reactions that count
And in this cyclical dance with life
Our personal resilience is paramount.

Love Fordy

AKA Unapologetic Writer

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