Sunday we attended a family wedding, the weather, venue, bride, catching up with family was lovely. No alcohol was consumed through out the whole day (to be fair didn’t miss it) then I made the fatal mistake of having 1 glass of white wine when I got home, now don’t get me wrong I enjoyed it, but fuck me did i suffer as a result the following day. So feeling back to normal (what ever normal is) I did me morning reflection run and me thoughts turned to all the crap that society tells us and us numptys buy into it and whats worse is the half of the time we don’t even realise it.
I concluded toward the end of me run that life is like one massive transaction, and I’m not talking about financial transactions here, I’m talking emotional, spiritual and wellbeing transactions.
For every transaction we make, what we are ultimately searching for and are wanting in return is to feel happy and content with ourselves. Don’t believe me?
You have a think about someone you know who is in pursuit of feeling shit about themselves?
Let me guess – NO FUCKER
I’d done my run, writing and heading into work feeling good, today was a good day. I have also decided to monitor my good Vs not so good days, this peri – menopause malarky ain’t no fucking joke, although me tits dont feel like bastard pin cushions every month, just lately, ‘I wonder if its being off alcohol? or if increased dose in prozac is working its magic?’ – i digress
I get to work amd I’m at me desk when i get a call from reception, informing me that a lady called Dorothy was at reception for me.
It had completely slipped my mind, that i’d spoke to Dorothy the previous week, she’d called last Thursday to say she would in Sheffield. We hadn’t seen her as she’d recently relocated to Watford a few months earlier. She told me about her getting herself a part-time job at Debenhams and had even approached a local women’s centre about doing some volunteering, with victims affected by Domestic Abuse.
I have known Dorothy now for over 5 years, we met at a domestic abuse reference group that i manage as part of work. The reference group is made up of women who have experienced domestic abuse and who use their experiences to help inform our work and how we commission our domestic abuse services. Dorothy has been a regular at all the meetings since the beginning, up until the past few months, when some family issues forced her to reconsider relocating and moving from Sheffield. So apart from the occasional whats app message, i haven’t see or had a proper catch up with her in ages.
Dorothy, (who by the way, knows i am dedicating this blog too) has come such a long way since i first met her. Her personal story is pretty horrific and not mine to tell, but leaving a violent and controling relationship and upping sticks from the Isle of wight with five kids was the easy part of her journey. Now if anyone could write a book, its this lady!
As we chatted and caught up this morning, we talked about how important maintaining our sanity was and this got me to thinking about my morning run and about life being like one big transaction.
We both talked about our previous experiances of being emotionally bankrupt, and how priceless and important the sense of sanity means to us. It hasnt been money, or material success that has made Dorothy happy, but investing time in herself, thinking about her needs, making sure her emotional support needs have been met has played a vital role in her recovery and life after being a victim of abuse.
She openly talked about not having much, financially, in fact she’s just making ends meet, but she’s been the happiest she has been in ages and i could see it, she was glowing and despite going through some pretty seriously family issues, shes still dealing with life, straight on, one day at a time and she looked frigging amazing.
So back to life being one BIG transaction – What transactions are you making?
If you could guesstimate how much you are worth in say, currency or units ? Let’s say as a whole person, your personal worth is 100
How much of your currency have you invested in on or wasted on
- Trying to fit in?
- Trying to feel happy?
- Trying to feel loved ?
- Trying to feel accepted?
- Trying to please others?
Using this same analogy
- How much of your currency have you saved and invested in the bank for you?
- How much of your currency have you spent on other?
- How much of your currency have you spent on yourself recently?
There are many people around us who are functioning in a permanent overdraft, ya knows them who look permanently burned out, stressed out, unhappy, victims are you one of them, if you are then
Is it time to do a review of your recent transactions, look at what are your outgoings are V’s incomings
Reviewing your transactions and making sure you have something left for you is the first step to learning to love thee sen and there are added bonus’s too, just like a bank if you safe some there for a while, it will grow and you’ll earn interest.
Dorothy, you made my day today, you are an inspiration, just keep at it, one day at a time, continue to value you, make time for you and most importantly – Keep in touch x Love Tracey x