Give your sen a fucking break” lifes hard enough without you being hard on ya sen an all”

Have done alot of reflection this week, despite and rocky 1st day back at work Monday after being off ill, each day has got better and better. I previosuly wrote about life being one big transaction and about how easy it is to slip into the bollox we call life, society, societies norms, societies expectations, our own expectations we place on ourselves. I mean, for fucks sake i’m guilty of it me sen, knowing it and practicing to be kinder to me sen, is actually harder than people think!

How often have you come across a friend, whose not doing so good, whose having a bad time, feeling low, what do you do? Well i know for all of you who are signed up to this blog, each and everyone of ya, would be there, sat beside them, reminding and reassuring them, saying any or if all of the following

• Your going to be ok!
• You’ve done amazing!
• Look how far you have come?
• Your not fat!
• Your just having a bad day – “it will pass, i promise”
• So what if you have made mistakes? “everyones made em, no ones perfect”
• I’m always here to listen, if you need to talk
• Bottling it up wont help – “problem shared and all that!”
• Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks!
• Everyone makes mistakes – “its learning from them that counts”
• Your not weird – “fuck me, I’m weird”
• Your not ugly!
• Stop comparing yourself – “everyones different”
• Stop giving yourself a hard time!

I am only just starting to realise, after all these 48 years, that in fact “Life doesnt have to be that hard” again, i have previously talked about expectations and expectations from society, but to be honest, I am coming to realise that most of the time, we cannot blame society, because if we are all honest with ourselves, alot of our expectations are fucking self inflicted.

All those reassuring reminders and reassurances that ‘we’ as good mates or relatives are always quick to be there for others, but “NOT OURSELVES” “whats that all about?”

I have not been on here much, but i have been journalling daily and when i think about it, it all comes back to the same thing whether we like it or not #shithappens but by taking a little time out everyday to #haveawordwiyasen, talk to yourself, just like you would with a loved one or freind who is having a bad day.

Take time out to step back and to think about the little things. So for me this this week at work has been a magical one. I’ve had one of the best weeks in a long time , i’m going to share with you some excerts from my journal this week AKA #havingawordwimesen

Wednesday Society has become one big transaction, “not doing anything without conditions or expectations of something in return. I think thats perhaps what I have been doing to a certain extent. Whilst deep down the desire to see others grow has always been there, I think I have also been treating my giving as my own personal Transaction, for the feel good factor, The feeling you get in return from some one being indebted to you. the feeling that you know you have made a difference and whilst that is nice, that cannot and should not be the man driver. 

Reconnecting people in a disconnected society “thats my passion, my desire” to encourage people to reconnect with themselves firstly, but then to reconnect with their families, communities around them. Positivity breeds positivity. And recognising and celebrating those connections is important part of the process. I’m not sure how I can do this or how I am doing it, but I think I am on the right track. 

The darker periods of self contemplation, self doubt sometimes feels like giving birth, you trust that all the pain and discomfort will be worth it, because you are creating something magical, creating new life and new and happier, contented you, someone who is learning to reconnect with who you really are. 

All the day to day life transactions, going to work in return for a wage are superficial on the grand scheme of things what really counts is as human being we care about each other.

Thursday Not just ourselves, not just our families, but the wider community, including those people who frustrate us, who risk undermining positive connections. This also includes the media, press, government, who are not necessarily undermining the potential for connectivity for selfish or evil reasons they do what they do, based on what they see as being part of one of life essential transactions, thats their purpose, whether it is superficial its all that they know or understand. One of the reasons could be that they have allowed society to program them with the illusion that status equates to purpose. 

I always say the best thing that ever happened to me was going into Middlewood, and do you know why? Because being in there I was for a short time, sheltered from all the “BULLSHIT” expectations, demands, feeling under pressure to conform, be normal even though I felt emotionally SHIT, working for this to pay for that, being judged for expressing how I was really feeling, not being listen too. Now dont get me wrong, I HAD lost the plot somewhat, but deep down underneath my ramblings., ultimatly all I had been trying to do is say “STOP THE FUCKING WORLD I WANNA GET OFF” I’VE HAD ENOUGH’ During my time in there, I was given the space to breath, to think, to reassess me! I was able to just for then couple of weeks say “FUCK YOU” to everyone and everything around me on the outside. 

Now I am not about to suggest you should get sectioned, you dont have to even let yourselves get that far gone! But you can do something to help yourself ! YES YOU on your own, you probably don’t need no therapist (although and good friend to talk to does help, but they are free)

Friday at work was magical, started with the ask for Angela meeting, being mindful of the principles of the thinking environment. It was like magic, watching people around the table, opening up more and more about their ideas and thoughts – which in fact were brilliant everyone came away feeling excited and inspired, which for a couple of hours work is priceless.

Bumping into Dom the artist, offering him the opportunity to share his work at the recovery exhibition, inviting a fucking random stranger to recovery launch. It just felt so right, time will tell. 

Saturday On the whole as weeks go this one has improved every day, its been a long week, but a good one. After coming back from sick leave, I was feeling really anxious about not totally feeling 100% – well I wasn’t was I, but today, sat here in the sun, feeling relaxed. Head was going 1000 miles an hour this morning, self imposing demands, get ironing done, rest, take ya time, relax, which I did and I got more done than I have previously anticipated.

Now you are probably thinking “AND?”  and if i’m honest i’m not even sure why i am sharing this? perhaps its my way of trying to explain that “for me” off loading my thoughts, is and has been really therapeutic, even the times i find it hard to find the time, I find time, i now have me little note book (me gift off charlotte) to off loads any thoughts or observations, but what i am doing is MAKING TIME FOR ME! and it makes ME feel better.

Now i am not suggesting that you go off and purchase a fucking £900 quid computer (that still needs paying for by the way) or getting up first thing in a morning to write (summat our old man is starting to get used to). 

But what i am saying is “do yourself a favour? for me?”

• Take (even if its ten minutes) time out for YOU each day
• Do something that “YOU” want to do
• If your having a shit day, nature yourself, like you would to a friend
• Be thank full that YOU are actually breathing, YES breathing, this is soooo taken for granted, because when you stop “you certainly aint going to be worrying anymore, Trust me” 
• Dont just message a mate, call them, spent 5 minutes catching up have a proper conversation

And finally “give your sen a fucking break” lifes hard enough without you being hard on ya sen an all”

Reet now i got that off me chest, i’m off to work on me book, have a GREAT weekend x Love Fordy