Who’s pulling your strings?


That word I had wi me sen yesterday worked wonders, and it reminds me that just taking a little time out of my day, enables ‘me’ to take a step back, reflect (only for a little) on the previous day, on the day ahead, contemplate what’s in store, check in on any anxieties that I might be experiencing, talk me sen through them, for me the best thing I have ever done is start this daily journal, as you will see some of my posts can be pretty dim, they are nothing exciting, but for me its my way of being true to myself, being transparent, showing that despite what people may see on the surface, that not everything is always “good in the hood” and there is NO SHAME in that and that’s the whole point! 

But by taking say, half an hour out of my day for me work’s because I am telling and reminding myself that “I count”. I see sooo many people who just take each day for granted, just flow with the status quo, never questioning, just doing opposed to “being”.

My daughter said to me yesterday “your not going to turn into a hippy are you?” I had to laugh because I am not sure what her definition of a hippy is, but all I know is that by checking in on me sen on a regular basis has helped in cutting some of the invisible strings that were taking a hold of me. And we all have them, for many its a lot easier the leave well alone because it feels more comfortable, but for me I don’t want anyone pulling my strings expect myself and if it means feeling uncomfortable sometimes, or upsetting someones preconceived expectations about how they think I should act or react, then so be it! 

I don’t want to be like everyone else, I have been there and done that, I don’t want to conform just because “everyone else does” I want to be the truest, honest version of me. Don’t get me wrong I am under no illusions that I’m going to be perfect because one thing I am certain of is I’m not,  I never will be, I will always make mistakes and I will forever be learning about me till the day I die. 

I set out on a mission on the 1st of July to start writing a book, a book I have always had the desire to write, but never did for my reasons and a lot of them was me. Since the 1st of July I have written over 4 chapters, I have remembered memories I forgot were even there still, some sad some pretty amazing. I have kept true to myself keeping a journal (to mainly help with the writing and expressing myself) and to improve my grammar because according to my daughter, Lauren AKA the grammar police “its shocking”. 

I have written and shared shy of 70 blogs on here and despite the bad days (and there has been some) I am left feeling pretty proud of myself. So just for today remember or remind yourself

Check who’s pulling your strings 

Never lose sight of who you are 

Take some time out for YOU, because you matter 

Remember the people you have inspired 

And above all, be kind to yourself 

Love Fordy xxxx

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