Sunday 13 Jan – Already fucking ready!!

First week back and my attempt to get back into the old routine and its had its ups and downs, in fact more downs if I am being honest. Having routine for me is a vital element in attempting to maintain my sanity, as I am starting to learn and understand more as I go along this journey. Routine for me can be particularly hard  to maintain all times as I am an extremely impulsive person, I can be easily distracted by things that quite frankly are not worth the distraction, ie social media, TV or family drama, or get easily excited or passionate about new ideas and being creative. In fact it is Sunday morning and after a pretty productive Saturday, where I had a massive clear out and clear up in the house, (which quite frankly hasn’t seen a duster for the past 3 weeks) mainly in preparation to make space for my youngest  who was bringing the last of her personal belongings back to Sheffield after living in Manchester for the past year and is staying with us for a while and whilst housework isn’t high on my list of priorities, I do find that coming home to a untidy house, doesn’t help my untidy brain. In between the cleaning I made a couple of calls to close friends who I haven’t had the chance to catch up with or should I say “Have been too distracted to make time” connecting with those people who “get you” is vital, its a form of reconnecting, not just with them but with me. I spent an hour shopping and catching up with the mother, the daughter and grandson came around and just spending time playing with him is good for the soul. 

I had decided that due to my super efficiency Saturday that I would treat myself to a long over due lay in this morning, “Is it me, or does too much sleep make you feel worse? Or am I just a fucking weirdo?” I have woken this morning feeling slightly hungover and flat, which is weird considering I abstained from alcohol for the past week since returning from skiing (well apart from Thursday night, when I met a mate for a good old catch up – reconnecting) or maybe it has something to do with trying to get back into my daily routine of writing, making time for myself isn’t as easy as I think it should be, there goes them Fucking expectations again! I suppose it can be easier to get back into a physical routine, waking up, getting ya ass into work etc, but getting back into a psychological routine seems to takes a little longer. 

I have been avoiding TV, apart from, the Vikings series on an evening, oh and catching up on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, (it’s my guilty pleasure) but I wasn’t going to miss Ruby Wax who I had heard was going to be on this mornings Sunday brunch, launching her new book “How to be Human” (if you haven’t read any of her books yet, I would highly recommend them).  “Upgrading your minds is as important as upgrading your phone”  so after the interview on TV I took me sen upstairs into me safe space and here I am trying to upgrade me noggin, recharge, re-boot that grey matter! 

I love love love this woman, well her philosophy on life is amazing and born out of her own personal experience of depression and mental anxiety. I wrote a blog last year about her after reading her book for the first time and I shall be downloading the new book later today, but one of the things that really resonates with me is when she talks about all the external life distractions that often consume us without us even realizing it and that we all too often end up doing something that we hadn’t planned.

I did it myself today, a classic example, I was on the phone, scrolling through FB, when I see an advert about personalised notebooks, they looked cool, even though I didn’t need one, nor had I been thinking about buying a notebook, when all of a sudden before know it, I’ve clicked on the site, I’m  checking out prices and was seriously considering designing and buying my own! Before I pressed the confirm button, I sat back #Haveawordwimesen and thought ‘why though? you don’t need it? You didn’t even want one until you saw the advert?’ So I decided to close the link and get back to doing something more productive and fooking FREE, had I pressed confirm I would now be £15 outta pocket. 

So whilst I am starting to get back into the routine of doing, arriving at work, attending meetings, getting the shopping in, I recognize I need to allow myself more time, patience to get back into the routine of being, again. Being in that happy place, the place where I make time for me, to think for myself, make time to focus on my goals, my desires such as the book and doing more writing,  instead of focusing too much on the work-related goals that all too often distract me from me.

It’s been a stark reminder that life can be tough at times, and we can be even tougher on ourselves, the key is recognizing when we aren’t taking care of us, often when we don’t take care of us, it can be too late before you realise, you are off balance, but you can always get that routine and sense of balance back with a little patience, time and self-compassion.

Love Fordy x

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