It’s ok to do you

Hi, guys, it’s been a while – its the end of a full week of being back at work today, I am feeling a lot better physicallu and mentally health wise, i have been writing a lot, which has been cathartic but also requires a lot of reflection and more importantly making time for good honest quality refection time. I am pleased to announce that after sharing my first four chapters of the book with two people who I had entrusted them to, I got my first ever feedback and critique on the book to date. 

This was a BIG deal for me, especially as one of them is already a successful published author and it wasn’t as bad as I first thought it would be. I am feeling pretty chuffed as I have downloaded this chart that helps you map your daily writing, I have transferred all my chapters to date onto an online site called Trello that sets out each chapter, including a heading and a summary of the content. I am now working on chapter 8 – Exploring the Valley (as in Gleadless Valley, the estate I grew up in)

So here’s todays refelctions taken from my personal diary

It’s not a secret that I am pretty opinionated, particularly when I comes to how we as individuals have to take total responsibility for our own lives this includes our own feelings, how we act or  how we react, the decisions we make, the directions we chose to take which ultimately (fingers crossed) carry us to our final destination or goal what ever that may be. 

For me, the destination the goal that I strive for or I would even goes a far to say “crave for” is not all about the destination, but more about the journey. I have written about this previously, about easy it can be soooo easy to lose our footing, to lose that sense of wellbeing, that feeling of contentment, that feeling of being satisfied, satisfied with our lot (what ever that looks like for each of us). 

When starting out this page, blog I genuinely had no aspirations other than to use this as a platform to off load my thoughts, observations on life, someone asked the other day “How many people do you have subscribed to your site” and my simple answer was “I don’t care about how many people see my blogs/post/rants/offloads because this isn’t about anyone else, this is about ME I keep a personal journal and I could choose to keep all of the nonsense shit that goes through my head private, but by keeping it private or feeling ashamed to share only serves to reinforce the narrative out there in society that its not ok to not be ok!” And that my friend is what I passionately believe is wrong and unjust!

Because it IS ok to have a shit day at work, it is ok that you don’t feel 100% ALL of the time, it is ok that we sometimes feel crap about ourselves, question ourselves, doubt ourselves, it’s ok that sometimes we might get frustrated or angry #Shithappens

Sometimes I might not get involved in things I do care about because I recognise that simply caring about something, caring about someone else for example doesn’t mean I can always make a difference or change and thats ok too.

It’s ok not to get involved in all the debates about the injustices that take place across the world every friggin second of the day, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 360 days a year, because if I got involved in EVERYTHING I do care about, I run the risk of caring too much “does that make sense?” If I focused too much on the things I cannot change I would feel very sad, feel permanently defeated, feel permanently deflated and generally not a happy person. I am slowly learning on this journey I call life that giving and caring too much about things you cannot change can inadvertently hurt you more. 

SO going back to my original as of November 2018, it was estimated that there are over 7.7 Billion humans currently living on this planet, thats not including animals, now thats a lot of fucking caring.

So just for today I chose to care about me and I’m not ashamed to own that statement I chose to not be ashamed or admitting that I cannot change everything or others around me, I am not ashamed to say that sometimes I fail at not caring about myself as much as I could, because it’s 

It’s ok to not be ok

It’s ok to say “I’m doing me” 

It’s ok to say no

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