I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still – Sylvia Plath

Afternoon GuysI

Tried a glass of wine last night, woke up feelng tired, but ok, until 11 am then BAM! the “Wine Witch, Wine Bitch”  appeared and served me a lovely headache, so it seems i have well and truly ‘Fucked me sen up”  Now every time i tell someone, i dont drink, i guarentee they will think “ahhh she must have had a problem” Nah did i fuck! it was only meant to be a break for 30 days, i’m on day 72 (just counted) and trust me when i say “I cannot drink” i mean “I literally cannot drink” well i can, but the hangover just aint fucking worth it no more…

Had to share a special moment with you, its day 3 of feeling better, Christ these past two weeks, being ill have been SHIT, with a capital S. So anyways i’ve been pretty productive today, been out shopping, runnign some errands then I come back home to a package address to yours truly

“Mmm this is intriguing” I’m thinking, whilst i’m opening the package, only to find three small note books, each with a different quote on the front. The one that I particularly love is “I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be still” – Sylvia Plath, This just sums me up 1000%

Now this might seem a little thing, its not my birthday (I dont think?) and the person who sent it Charlotte will actually never know, just how much this act of kindness meant to me today. I know Charlotte through work, i have known her for about three years, she is alot like myself, passionate about our vulnerable, likes a real ale, doesen’t take life too serious and is generally a good laugh. We were working together a few weeks ago, delivering a presentation at a National conference no less! Actually its, the same day I wore that dress! ‘which by the way, wont be happening any time soon’ 

I called her as soon as i realised who the package was from, I’ve not seen her for about a moonth or so, shes been away on holiday and she’s been staying clear of social media etc, so didn’t know i had been ill. Obviously, I was like “Ahhh Charlotte, i love love love the books thank you” her reply was “do ya know, i saw them and thought straight away of you” goose pimples run up and down my arms and I’m feeling pretty blessed, I shared this with her and she explained “after our chat the other week, whilst at the conference you really inspired me when you were  talking about you wanting to write and about there being more to life than just work and your right”. Well Charlotte you have offically moved up a notch on me friendship audit!

I told her about me being inspired to start writing about my psychosis episode whilst being in portgual, after meeting and reading Kathryn Littlewoods book – Cultivating Mad Cow, (If you havent read it yet, its a steal on kindle £2.62 – Kathryn, I want commission!) I was talking and laughing about the time I went through me phase of being psychic, (Mystic Meg had fuck all on me then) being a serial cleaner, being able to read peoples minds and finally thinking i was John the Fucking Baptist, before crashing back down to earth in Middlewood Hospital, I love the fact that i can actually laugh about it now, thats some deep dark humour.

I got a call from Jo, me mate and had a lovely catch up with her whilst she wa waiting for her sandwich being made at a pub, they’ve been out walking with their psyco dog bracken and she was pretty chuffed wi her sen cos she’s signed up to national trust, doing her bit for the enviroment and all that… “Well it was more to do wi saving on parking and getting some  discounts” BUT Jo you WILL go to heaven and your contribution could well go towards fixing some of the countryside that Bracken has destroyed over the years OR towards therapy for the sheep! hahahaha.

I’m rambling, but what i suppose i wanted to say is, its days like today that remind me how blessed I am to have some wonderful people in my life, how depsite not knowing what I am doing or where this writing malarky will take me, its good to share, its good to be able to say #shithappens, I dont fucking care who you are, so try ya best to focus on the good things in your life, rather than the not so good. (easier said than done, I know), But the bottom line is we are only here once folks, make the fucking most of it

Signing off to do some more writing, cos that fucking book aint going to write its sen

Love Fordy x




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