Time is the best gift

Life’s good, I am grateful for what have and who I have around me, but don’t get that confused with my life being perfect. No fuckers life is perfect, there will be moments where life feels amazing, where special memories are made, moments with loved ones, surprise acts of kindness, feeling loved, feeling safe, feeling secure, these are all memories and feelings that I save, protect in my memory box and bring out for those special occasions when life feels tough. I am writing this morning with someone else in mind.

But there is ALWAYS a flip side side quite often people don’t want to or cannot seem to grasp or to face up to the reality that a perfect life doesn’t exist. They wont post sad pictures on social media, those post are only reserved for happy times, I am guilty of this too don’t get me wrong. This is a part of society that I struggle with the most, the invisible fear that surrounds us that we cannot allow others to know or suspect that we are not so perfect or we fear of offloading our own burdens to others ‘just incase’ they misinterpret us or judge us, these conversations are normally reserved or shared with close friends and loved ones who we trust. If you have that one or a few people who you feel you can share and offload your burdens to, remember you are truly blessed, but you are still on your own and people still avoid this ‘being alone’ like the bubonic plague! 

We all have flaws, we all make mistakes, we all carry regrets or desires to change our past, desires to change our futures but we are not alone in feeling this we are not unique, we are the same as everyone else, and in my opinion once we are able to accept this fact we can start to come to terms with our own lives on our own terms. once we start to accept ourselves and recognise we are not perfect then we can start to separate the bullshit from our own reality and let go of the invisible negative shit that we carry around with us. 

There are moments where magic can take place and it is when you are on your own that you can make the biggest difference to yourself, but be warned these are also the moments where we can do the most damage. You are the kindest person you know but you cannot be that kind person to yourself? What’s that all about? The key is to recognize when you are berating yourself for past actions or situations that you can no longer change, is this helping? Is this making you feel better about yourself? What would you say to a loved one who was doing the same, saying the same thing to themselves? You are great at being there for everyone else then why not for yourself? You don’t need to wait or rely on others for reassurance you are doing ok? 

You can do this yourself, if your internal conversation with yourself is negative, question it? Is what you are saying about yourself or to yourself true? Is there any truth in it? Question it?, unpick it, dissect it, tear it apart, often the negative narrative we can have with ourselves starts with something so small, but we have dedicated so much time and energy on the negative that like an onion that starts with a bulb, now has layers and layers surrounding it, that when we attempt to peel the layers back, they can make us cry. We all have the ability to like ourselves more, but it isn’t a quick fix, it isn’t a given, you have to work your shit out on your own, you can seek guidance from others, but you are still on your own. You cannot purchase self-esteem or self-worth off any shelf in a supermarket or online, true self-esteem and worth take’s time. 

Time is all to often taken for granted, rushing around doing, being there for everyone else making no time for you. Making time for yourself, to reflect and dissect the negative narrative and make time to replace the negative and remind yourself YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST and that’s good enough. 

Learning to let go is the hardest part, after all we might have been clinging onto some of the shit for a long time, fuck me we can actually believe some of the shit we tell ourselves. Over the Christmas holiday gift yourself with some time to reflect, then let go and give yourself a break. 

Merry Christmas 

Love Fordy x

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