Just a reminder that words and actions, or the lack thereof, have consequences.
It came out of the blue.
I was caught up in a crossfire of words.
All parties were fighting to be heard.
So desperate to be proved right.
They continued to fight.
Their words echoed around the room.
Creating a cloud of impending doom
Hurtful words hung heavy in the air.
And in that moment, I felt consumed by despair.
I looked around the room, and all I could see were faces of shock.
And then all of a sudden the shouting STOPPED.
Afterwards
I couldn’t face going home.
So, I walked the streets alone.
I wished I could go back and take back the words that were said.
But I couldn’t because they were stuck like a Catherine wheel spinning in my head.
And as the hours passed, the burden of responsibility grew.
I felt at a loss as to what to do.
I reached out for advice only to find it fell on deaf ears.
Adding fuel to ignite my growing fears.
I needed answers, but nothing came.
The whispers and rumours felt like a cancerous tumour eating away at my confused brain.
I tried to mentally figure things out.
Only to find myself lost in a haze of self-doubt.
I tried to take a step back and practice some self-care.
But it was tough.
Well-meaning friends advised that ‘This too will pass.’
But it wasn’t. It was getting worse, and I was convinced I was cursed.
I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and walking away.
But friends encouraged me to stay.
So, I took a step back and tried again.
I went away and wracked my fragile brain.
I sat with the uncomfortable feelings.
Until I worked out their meanings
And after untangling my thoughts
I started to connect the dots.
I realised the pain I was feeling.
Was karma from an unhealed past trauma.
And that recent events have taken me back to a time in my past.
Back to a time when I’d felt misunderstood and wrongly judged.
I could feel the old feelings of oppression.
Because by my character and integratory had been called into question.
Finally after being able to acknowledge and identify the source of the pain.
Has helped me to refrain from playing along with other people’s games.
Days later, I’m feeling the haze of doubt lifting.
And my outlook on life has started shifting.
This recent bump in the road has been another reminder.
That deep down, I am a fighter.
It has taught me never to give in, even when I think I can’t win.
It’s permitted me to give myself some slack.
But it has also highlighted who has had my back.
So, thank you.
Love Fordy
AKA Unapologeticwriter
Remember – I don’t write for financial reward or gain. I want to help share my lived experience with others, hoping it helps. And I love to write, so if ya fancy getting the occasional email (NO SPAM) with the most up-to-date blogs from yours truly, please feel free to subscribe at the bottom of the main page.
