Fuck off

Well did not want to go for that morning run this morning, alarm was set for 5.30, 2, 10 minute snoozes later and arguing I get me sen outta bed, I didn’t #haveaword I had a full blown fucking argument “wi me sen” .

When I’m feeling sorry for me sen, our old man calls me ‘Mardy Fardy’ this morning I wa like jackal and fucking Hyde. Mardy Fardy vs reasonable Fardy – trust me I’m still not sure who won, or whose winning.

So that serene, time to think run JOG, WALK went a little like this

Laid in bed

Oh fuck off, I’m knackered 

Once you’re up, you’ll feel more awake

Christ I could sleep for another few hours

It will be your period! and you stayed up later last night!

Ok, so if I’m tired, have a day off, I don’t have to go out every morning 

Yes but you didn’t go out yesterday, and you know what its like, that slippery slope, once you skip 1,2,3 its all down hill

Even if you went back to sleep, you would still feel tired an hour later so you may as well get up!

Fuck it get up

Go for a piss, get dressed, go down stairs i’m still sulking

Im defo not feeling it yet?

Just shut it, get ya top on and take thee tablets, and plenty of water ya piss looked like orange juice this morning 

What the fuck is that all about, apart from the drink last Saturday, I haven’t had any alcohol, so shouldn’t be THAT dehydrated 

Well apparently everyone’s piss is like that in a morning

Get ya earphones in, get some music on that will make you feel better 

GREAT wheres me fucking earphones?

Bag

Make a coffee for when  you get back

Great where are me fucking ear phones nahhhh

This is when i’m looking for earphones, which I only had in my hands 2 seconds before 

Why are they in the fucking draw?

Does it matter? 

Music on, trainers on, walk out of the door – still got face on

Still not feeling it 

Just walk then! walk all of it if you want? Just do something

Fucking hate periods

Every fucking month, swollen tits, stomach cramps, blood fucking everywhere, its ‘like giving birth to satin’ as our Lauren would say, and fucking men moan when they are ill, try feeling shit EVERY MONTH

Right, your on ya period, get over it, and just keep walking 

Well im not running, yet, in fact im not starting until I get to top of the hill

Walk then, you could just do a mile, do a shorter one this morning 

Yeh but then I’ll be doing that all the time 

Do the normal run then!

I start to run

I wonder if that young lad and his mother will be at the bus stop this morning? If they are should I stop and ask him, where he’s going? Like I said I would last time I was out? 

Nah fuck that, not in fucking mood this morning, just smile and say good morning 

They are not there 

Good 

This song is shit

Flick to next one then

Click on me earphones and inadvertently turned music AND earphones off

For fucks sake

Just switch it back on

Yeh but now I’ve had to stop running 

Just do it, and run

Ok this song is better 

What the fuck is wrong with me this morning?

Stop being so fucking hard on yourself, everyone has bad days including YOU, this is one of them, but it will pass

I ought to write about this, this morning

Yeh well, you don’t have to, juts take it easy, do your run, get back have a coffee and a vape and you can chill, if you want to write you can, stop over thinking things, what will be will be for crying out load 

See a guy coming towards me, walking with summit strapped around his knee’s, clearly out for a run, but not yet running 

Mmmm he’s dressed for it, he looks the part, but not running is he!

Neither were you, ffs, he’s probably warming up like ‘YOU DO’ and your hardly fucking Zola Bud this morning!

Ok so feeling a little better, christ whats up with me today?

Does anything have to be up?

Yeh but I hate feeling crap, been feeling great lately, I’ve not done anything different?

You might not have, but does it matter? You feeling crap, everyone has bad days, it will get better

What if it doesn’t 

It will, trust yourself, 

She’s here, her, the ignorant one, I wonder if she will smile or acknowledge me today?

Well if she said anything you wouldn’t be able to hear her, and you can hardly see her she’s that far away

Lady is getting closer, still a little far away, she looks up

Hi, I’m waving, giving her purpose smile

What ya done that for? 

Cos I fucking wanted to make a point and wave this morning, instead of doing the passive, eye nod, if she cant say good morning, then I fucking sure can!

Feel better 

Nope 

Nearly home

Feeling better?

Nope tits are still hurting 

Im turning running app off, bet I’ve only done about 16 MPM this morning? 

Fuck it I don’t care

Oh shut the fuck up, go inside and off load this fowl mood

Ohh I like this song, is it M people?

Yes 

Right, get ya coffee go straight upstairs and write 

So here I am AND that’s the shortened version, TRUST ME you would be here all day, in fact I’ll probably fall out wi me sen again, later today. Now done two chapters of the book, now time to focus on Chapter 3 – Early childhood memories. But first I need to get me MARDY Sorry ASS into work.

If you are reading this today I hope your having a better day than me

I don’t really 

I do honest  

Love Fordy xx